Colleague ( part 2 )

Why don’t we talk about mental health?

"When people in the office are talking about mental health problems, it makes me feel odd. If I’m down at the time it feels like I have a guilty secret.”
“I haven’t got bi-polar written on my forehead, but for me it’s not an issue. Some people at work know about it just because it has come up in conversation.”
There are good reasons why someone with a mental health problem might not want other people to know. Mental ill health is one of the last taboos. It’s an area many people don’t understand much or talk about often and, as a result, we often act on prejudices. This can lead to unfair treatment – discrimination.
A survey has shown that most people with mental health problems expect to experience discrimination if they talk about their difficulties, but the number who actually experienced discrimination when they did tell someone was much lower.
“If I told people I’ve been diagnosed with schizophrenia they would probably want me out. People all think schizophrenia makes you dangerous. It has some effect on me at some times, but I’m not dangerous. I’m just not sure I trust anyone enough to tell them.”
The media often portray people with mental health problems as dangerous, but people with mental health problems are more likely to be the victims of violence or to harm themselves than to be violent towards other people.

How can I help a colleague in mental distress?

When a colleague tells you they have a mental health problem, becomes distressed or starts behaving out of character, it can be very confusing.
It may distress you, too. It can seem easier to ignore the situation than to try to provide support. But providing support at work can make a huge difference to someone’s life.
The most important thing you can do is treat them with respect and dignity. Talking with your colleague is the first step towards finding out how they would like you to support them.

Why is it important to talk?

It can be a very big deal for a person to discuss how they feel and they may feel ashamed to ‘admit’ their problem. Be open and tell them that you care.
Let your colleague know that you are there if they want to talk. Make sure you can talk somewhere quiet and private. You may want to have lunch or a coffee or go for a walk together to keep the conversation between the two of you.
Once you have found a time and place for a private chat, make sure that you won’t have to run off to a meeting or take a phone call. Make sure the time is convenient for both of you.

• Let your colleague share as much or as little as they want to. Ask questions to help you understand what they are going through, but tell them that they don’t have to answer any questions that make them feel uncomfortable. Make it clear that you don’t blame them for their problems.

• Don’t try to diagnose someone or second guess their feelings. You probably aren’t a medical expert and, while you may be happy to talk and offer support, you aren’t a trained counsellor. Try not to make assumptions about what is wrong or jump in too quickly with your own diagnosis or solutions.

• Keep your questions open-ended. Say “Why don’t you tell me how you are feeling?” rather than “I can see you are feeling very low”, and try to keep your language neutral. Give the person time to answer and try not to grill them with too many questions.

• Reassure them that what they tell you is private. Ask them if they have discussed their situation with others and if they do or don’t want you to mention it to anyone else. Ask them how they would like you to help them.

• Talk about well-being. Exercise, good diet and relaxation can all help improve everyone’s mental well-being. Talk about ways of de-stressing and ask your colleague if there is anything that they find helps. Ask if your colleague is in touch with any self-help groups or has supportive friends.

The power of words

The words you use can have a powerful effect on how people feel. Jokes and banter may seem harmless, but saying “Keep taking the pills” or calling someone a ‘nutter’ can be hurtful, and makes it less likely they will open up.
It’s worth remembering that this can be classed as harassment and bullying and can result in disciplinary action. If you aren’t sure if a comment is offensive, think about how you would feel if it was directed at you.

What are tips for listening?

Sometimes the most important part of talking is letting the other person know that you are listening.

• Listen carefully to what your colleague is saying to you and repeat what they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it

• Try to interpret the words in terms of feelings so you could respond “I can see that it makes you very unhappy when…”

• You don’t have to agree with what your colleague is saying, but by showing you understand how they feel, you are letting them know that you respect their feelings

• If you disagree, be open and honest about it, and continue to listen to what they have to say.

How do I respond in a crisis?

People with mental health problems sometimes experience a crisis, such as breaking down in tears, having a panic attack, feeling suicidal, or losing touch with reality. This can be a response to a build-up of stress at work or at home. You may feel a sense of crisis too, but it’s important to stay calm yourself.
There are some general strategies that you can use to help.

• Listen to your colleague without making judgements.
• Reassure them and offer practical information or support. 
• Ask your colleague what would help them. 
• Avoid confrontation, even if they become agitated or aggressive. 
• Don’t send them home if they would prefer some quiet time to themselves. 
• Encourage them to get appropriate professional help. 
• If you are aware that a colleague has self-harmed, make sure they get the first aid they need.

Seeing, hearing or believing things that no one else does can be the symptom of a mental illness. It can be frightening and upsetting. Gently remind your colleague who you are and why you are there. Don’t reinforce or dismiss their experiences, but acknowledge how they are making your colleague feel.
Helping someone with a mental health problem through a crisis can be stressful and upsetting. It is important to talk it through with your HR manager or boss or a friend without identifying your colleague.

mentalhealth.org